Dowry is not a custom, gift or “family prestige” dressed in wedding silk or glitter. It is the marketplace where marriage loses its soul.

The concept of stree dhan does not justify the custom of dowry. It traditionally meant assets, jewellery, property or gifts voluntarily given to a daughter for her financial security, dignity and autonomy, under her sole ownership and control. It was meant to empower the woman, not enrich the husband’s family. Modern dowry is a grotesque distortion of an originally protective concept.

Dowry is not merely an old social evil. It is a continuum of violence. It begins with demand, grows into entitlement, hardens into coercion, and often morphs into harassment, assault, abetment to suicide and murder. It cuts across class, caste, religion and region. India recorded 5,737 dowry deaths in 2024 — nearly 16 women every day. Convictions remain about 35 per cent where trials were completed. This pattern is visible in most other South Asian countries, too. Dowry is also a direct assault on Sustainable Development Goal 5, which commits the world to gender equality, ending discrimination, eliminating violence against women, and eradicating harmful practices.

Dowry is also an affront to the dignity of a man. A man who demands or accepts dowry places a market price on himself. He diminishes his own purusharth and purushatv — his capability, character and manhood. It is masculinity on crutches, seeking validation through extortion.

The tragedy is that dowry comes disguised as expectation, status, “matching families”, “just one car” or “help in setting up the house”. But the first demand is not negotiation; it is a warning flare. Young women must recognise the first red flag. Education and employment are vital, but so is psychological preparedness. Walking away from a dowry-seeking alliance is not a broken engagement or marriage; it is self-rescue.

The girl’s parents carry an equally grave responsibility. The first is not to give dowry at all. Where dowry is demanded after marriage, their instinct must shift from “save the marriage at any cost” to “save the daughter at any cost”. Too many young women are told to adjust, compromise or think of family honour. Honour does not live in a violent household. Parents must make the parental home a harbour, not a courtroom.

The mother-in-law, sister-in-law or female relative who participates in dowry harassment becomes the gatekeeper of another woman’s captivity. Patriarchy survives not only through male domination but through female complicity. Intergenerational pain cannot become intergenerational cruelty.

India has a legal framework. The Dowry Prohibition Act, 1961, penalises giving and taking dowry. Section 80 of the Bharatiya Nyaya Sanhita deals with dowry deaths, while Section 85 addresses cruelty and harassment. Yet, law without implementation is a locked door without a key. Nor should a high acquittal rate be read as proof of false cases; acquittals often arise from delayed investigations, hostile witnesses, social pressure, stigma or out-of-court settlements.

The way forward must rest on the Four Ps framework. Prevention means empowering brides, creating zero tolerance and strengthening deterrence through strict enforcement. Protection means safe reporting systems, helplines and responsive policing. Prosecution means speedy accountability for husbands, in-laws and enablers. Provision of crisis response services means shelters, counselling, legal aid, financial support and mental-health care.

Dowry must be eradicated not only because it is illegal, but because it is unconscionable and uncivilised. It violates the woman, diminishes the man, corrupts the family and poisons marriage as an institution of equal partnership. No ritual can sanctify coercion. No family prestige can justify extortion. No marriage can be sacred if it begins with a price.

The writer is former assistant secretary general, United Nations, and former deputy executive director, UN Women