Prateek Tanmay
“It’s the most thankless job… to be a mother. Aur usko ehsaas dilaya jaata hai…tumhe break ki kya zarurat hai, tumko isse break kyu chahiye, ghar pe baithe baithe tum karti kya ho…,” these words by Shilpa Shetty Kundra reveal a lot about pre-conceived notions for women in India.
And as the actor mentioned in a candid conversation with Curly Tales, “You are the breadwinner sometimes in your family, aapko fir bhi ghar pe aakar woh duties resume karni padti hai, you are never off duty. Sab log sochte hein ye inka janm sidh adhikar hai, inko kaam karna hi hai, ye inki duty hai,” such a mentality is applicable for women in general, regardless of what their employment status is. Working or not working, you are bound to “resume” household chores once you are home.
Eventually, societal conditioning prompts women to feel guilty about choosing themselves and, at times, to question their worth as mothers.
DISCLAIMER: This article is based on information from the public domain and/or the experts we spoke to.
But this needs to change
Perception architect Vivek Vashist believes this tension between love and exhaustion was never meant to define motherhood. “Motherhood was never meant to be martyrdom,” he says. “It was meant to be continuity — life caring for life through shared rhythm. Guilt entered when care stopped flowing and started pooling in one body.”
He explains that the fix doesn’t lie in motivational mantras or spa days. It begins in the very architecture of our homes, our language, and our expectations.
Most mothers don’t feel guilty because they’re weak or over-emotional — they feel guilty because they were taught that love must look like availability. “From the moment a child is born, her biology tunes her to respond, but culture cements it into duty. Every cry becomes a command; every silence becomes proof of care. Over time, exhaustion becomes a badge of devotion,” says Vashist.
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In this model, stillness is seen as betrayal. Society rewards endurance and labels recovery as indulgence. “Nature designed motherhood as rhythm — moments of giving followed by recovery — but society demanded permanence,” he adds. “So mothers keep running on empty batteries, thinking rest equals failure.”
A mother is never off-duty
The rule that “a mother is never off duty” slowly turns a person into a role. “She feeds, soothes, organises, remembers — until there’s no space left to ask what she enjoys or needs,” Vashist explains. What starts as love transforms into self-erasure.
This erosion doesn’t arrive dramatically — it creeps in through skipped meals, invisible fatigue, and quiet disconnection. “Each act of self-dismissal trains her nervous system to believe she doesn’t matter. Over the years, that becomes identity,” he says. “When identity shrinks to service, love becomes performance. Fatigue and anxiety are not moods — they’re the body’s rebellion against invisibility.”
Shilpa Shetty on motherhood (Source: Instagram/@therealshilpashetty
Family consideration is important
Families often respond to this burnout with praise — “You do so much,” “We’re lucky to have you.” But as Vashist puts it, “Gratitude without redesign changes nothing. Real respect means redistribution.”
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He suggests that each family member should fully own a domain — not ‘help’ but run it. “Cooking, bills, school coordination, elder care — whatever the mix, it must function even if the mother steps back for a day,” he says. Emotional labour must count too — noticing moods, remembering birthdays, maintaining harmony. “These invisible jobs drain more than chores,” he adds.
Vashist concludes, “Boundaries aren’t walls, they’re breathing spaces that keep affection alive. A mother who never pauses eventually gives from exhaustion, not abundance.” He advises making rest visible and rhythmic — scheduled like maintenance, not treated as a luxury. Call it “reset time,” not “me time,” to help families understand that when a mother rests, everyone’s peace stabilises.
DISCLAIMER: This article is based on information from the public domain and/or the experts we spoke to.
